Super Bowl Pitty Party of One

You should all probably know that I suffer from Endometriosis.  It's possibly the biggest pain in my life. Literally.  I haven't been whining about it as of late because since my last laparoscopy in July, (read about it here and here) my suffering has been down to a minimum.  It helps that I'm still on a POPS birth control which is suppose to stop my periods.  Well, it doesn't, but it has kept my cycles from exploding out of control.  The problem is...Endo grows back and well....over the last few months I've slowly felt myself falling back in the dark vortex that is abdomen pain.  

Today I was really excited about the Super Bowl.  Not because I care about the game, but because I like food.  Especially Super Bowl food.  We were even going to have homemade pizza by the best pizza maker ever.  

My abdomen decided to turn on me like it has so many times before.  I went from "yay, pizza!" to "somebody shoot me" in no time at all.  I shall not forget the back pain and numbness running down my legs.  It's all so very grand.  I've already exceeded the safe amount of Ibuprofen one should take and it's as if my pain laughed in it's face.  I have the tough stuff, but in the last year or so it's made me super itchy and actually keeps me awake instead of asleep.  Getting rid of the pain has been worth it at times, but I don't like it.  Why did I decide against the hysterectomy again? ARG!

So here I sit...alone with my angry thoughts, watching the Super Bowl and tearing up every time a soldier comes on the screen. So many soldiers tonight.  I hope it's over before Downton Abbey because let's be honest, English drama trumps football any day in my eyes.  I really hope Gregg brings home pizza or my face will easily resemble that beautiful uterus above.  By now he knows not to mess with Hangry (Hungry Angry) Endo Lacey so I'm guessing he will.

4th Lap Around Cont...

Read the first part here.

While on POPS (progesterone only BC), I was having quite a bit of pain.  My abdomen was tender all the time, my back ached and I had no energy whatsoever.  I felt like I could sleep all day.  It didn't make me a fun wife or mom.  

By this point I was pretty fed up with it all.  I decided it was time to get real about thinking about a hysterectomy.  My doctor and I had a good conversation about it and he promised my quality of life would go up big time if I decided that path, but that it was a big decision that needed a lot of thought.  I asked many questions and felt good about his answers.  I was actually getting excited about the end result and being pain free in my abdomen.  

I started to pray earnestly about the decision to have this major surgery.  I asked anyone I could about their experience having a hysterectomy.   I searched the scriptures, Gregg and I fasted and finally we went to the temple.  By this point it had been a couple of months and I still didn't have an answer so I just knew in the temple I would receive peace about getting a hysterectomy.  I didn't...I was so uneasy and confused the whole time.  Finally, I whispered my angst to my husband and he so wisely told me that maybe that was my answer.  Maybe it just wasn't right at this time.  I knew as he said it that he was right.  It wasn't the right time.  The timing to me felt so good, but the Lord knows better than I do.  I returned home a little sad, a little confused with my future, but with an answer.  I wouldn't be having a hysterectomy quite yet.  

I had Gregg give my a Priesthood Blessing when we got home and in it he promised me I would have a hysterectomy one day and that I would know for a surety that it was the right time.  I finally felt peace about not going through with it.  I'm thankful for the knowledge that the Lord knows of my pain and my future.  

I decided to have another Laparoscopy instead.  My fourth since finding out about my endo.  I wasn't and I'm not ready to do another round of Lupron so I figured if I could clear out some junk and stay on the POPS it might help bit.  

The day of surgery I was having a lot of pain so I was ready as ever.  The surgery went great and they found quite a bit of endo.  Although I still had some pain from my incisions, my abdomen felt better than it had in months.  It didn't take long to see I made the right decision to have a Laparoscopy.  My energy was back and I felt like I could make it through work so much easier.  I'm still not sure what's in store for my future, but I'm happy I at least have a break from most of the pain I was having even if it is temporary.  Meanwhile, the POPS aren't doing that great at stopping my periods because I started a new brand for insurance purposes (dang insurance), but I'm hoping my body just needs a few months to get used to them.  

So, there you have it.  A glimpse into what it feels like to be an endo queen (my awesome term for us endo girls).  If it's TMI feel free not to read my blog.  If you can relate, feel free to share your experiences.  I'd love to hear them!

4th Lap Around

Let me just start by saying endometriosis sucks.  Okay now that I have that out there I will continue.  I have done what seems like every treatment possible for endometriosis.  Yeah, pretty sure I've done it all.  To flash back to 2010, I was on a daily birth control pill that stopped my periods so the endo wouldn't grow back so fast.  Out of the blue I started getting major migraines that mimicked mini strokes.  Not a good sign.  Long story short, I was immediately taken off the birth control containing estrogen and put on a progesterone only pill.  Also known as POPS or pills that women take during breast feeding.  Oh and can I mention I had a quite large hole in my heart.  You can learn more about it here  

Two months later we were picked to be parents by a wonderful women who will forever be our angel.  Ems was born and we were shiny new happy parents.  At that point my abdomen was not so happy.  The pill was just not working so I went in to my doctor and had a long tearful, okay bawling talk.  He is the sweetest doctor, but he made it very clear, I NEEDED to get pregnant.  Meaning, more infertility fun for my husband and I.  But, my daughter is only four months old I blubbered out.  What really scared me wasn't the prospect that my kids would be close together, it was that I was tired.  TIRED of infertility.  I just wanted to enjoy my life as it was at the time. 

I went on Lupron (a drug that shrinks endo) and had my third laparoscopy to give us the best chances to get pregnant.  After what felt like a thousand months of infertility treatments, we came out the other side battered, egos bruised, and not pregnant.  My periods were becoming unbearable and after a particular HORRIBLE cycle I decided I could not handle them anymore.  I went back on a birth control with both estrogen and progesterone.  My heart had been fixed so my doctor figured I'd be okay to go back on the stronger birth control.  

He was wrong.  About five or so months later I got a migraine.  I hadn't had one since my heart surgery.  Once I started feeling better from that one, I immediately got the aura (flashes of light) and went into another one.  After having six in three days I called my doctor and he had me go off the birth control at once.  He said I will NEVER go on that type of birth control again.  The risk of stroke would be too high.  Estrogen and migraines just don't go together.  So then came the question of what to do next.  I know what you women are thinking.  Why not use an IUD?   IUDs are not an option because they don't block the right hormones that stop endo from growing.  

So options are as follows...

-Go back on POPS. Which is pretty temporary and doesn't stop the pain completely

-Do a round of Lupron.  Which makes me super crazy and mean and also is a temporary fix

-Do another Laparoscopy.  Also temporary, but can ease some of the pain.  Surgery is never fun though.

-The ulimate, Hysterectomy.  Permanent fix, but it's just that...permanent.  I wouldn't have to worry about my endo ever again though and after having pain every day for years, it was sounding better and better.  

I decided to go back on POPS while I thought and prayed about what answer would be best.

To not make this whine fest eight pages long I will continue in another post.