A Mother Of Two

From January 2013-February 2013 Emme had already had three evaluations and another one set up for May.  We jumped right into Occupational Therapy through early intervention and had appointments every other week.  Her sensory disorder was overwhelming to learn about at first, but it was very eye opening.  Her behavior was out of control, but until her eval in May with a Behavioral Therapist I was at a loss on how to best help her.  We were struggling, but she still napped for three hours a day and Gregg wasn't in school yet so I felt like we were surviving.

Towards the end of February Gregg learned he was excepted into a great MBA program and would start the beginning of May.  It was an answer to our prayers. We knew if Gregg were to get in a career that would both benefit him and our family he needed to first further his education.

Towards the end of March we received the amazing news that another child would be joining our family. A true miracle and another testament that everything happens in God's timing and not ours.

I was thrilled to be getting another baby.  Emme's biological sibling no less.  There was one big problem though.  I felt I was failing miserably as Emme's mother.  Once Gregg started school and I was home alone most of the time reality really set in.  There were more days than I can count where I broke down and cried wondering how I would ever be able to be a mother of two children.

I often demanded in my prayers that this coming baby better be the easiest baby in the world.  I had no energy left.  I prayed for more strength and patience every day, but the truth is, Emme was still Emme and I was still exhausted.  There was no huge weight lifted and I didn't receive an extra boost in patience all of the sudden.  The thing is, He knew.  I honestly believe He knew I wasn't bluffing.  I couldn't be a mother of two without help.

After, Emme had been going to a Behavioral Therapist for a couple months she highly recommended that Emme attend their therapy school.  We agreed and also felt strongly that she attend their school, but it was very expensive.  We qualified for a small grant, but even then it was out of our budget.  We still knew she needed to go, so we went forward in faith that the money would come from somewhere.  Although, it was more likely that we won the lottery than it was that we would come up with the extra cash.

The time came when I got a phone call from the financial lady at her school.  She said I needed to come in that day to discuss our fee.  I went in dragging my feet knowing we really didn't have the money.  She went over our last years taxes and had me sign a few things.  Then at the bottom of the page she wrote our monthly total and handed me the paper.  I saw a huge $0.  I looked at her like, "this can't be right.  We must be a lot poorer than I thought."  She finally explained that the school had gotten a huge grant from the government and in order to use it all, all of their kids got to attend school for free until next July.  Emme literally started school the week it went into effect so we never had to pay a dime.

So not only was Emme able to attend a therapy school for free and learn very important skills, but I was going to have a big chunk of my mornings free.  Until Corbin was born, of course.  Like I said before, Heavenly Father knew I couldn't do it without help so He paved the way for outside help.

to be continued...

Mary's Lullaby

As I mentioned before, this Christmas season has been tame.  Having a very sick baby has given me a lot of cuddle time which means I've had a lot of time to think.  I've dreamed of having a baby boy since before I knew of our infertility.  To actually have this said baby in my arms is surreal.  

While I was holding Corbin during singing time in Primary the chorister pointed out to the kids that Gregg and I were like Mary and Joseph. Joseph was not Christ's biological father, but he was given the responsibility to raise him.  Someone also chose us to be Corbin's parents and has put a lot of faith in us.  

For the first time ever I have really reflected about Mary's feelings upon meeting her baby boy that sacred humble night.  Unlike Mary, my son will not redeem the world, but LIKE Mary I worry about the trials my small babe will endure in the future.  I know he will only be little for a short time and soon enough the world will be against him.  Will I be able to protect him?  

Eventually, he will be his own person.  I hope he will have a desire to marry and have children.  I hope I can teach him to be a good husband and father.  I hope he will know what the spirit feels like and will follow Heavenly Father's plan for him.  

I have many hopes and dreams for his life on this Earth.  Right now though, he is mine.  He is a perfect child of God.

We sang the most beautiful song in my church choir for our Christmas meeting.  I'm thankful for Mary and her willingness to raise our Lord and Redeemer.  I'm thankful for Christ who died for my children.  I wish you all a very beautiful Christmas.  One where you can reflect on the miraculous event that saved us all. 





Mary's Lullaby

All mine in your loveliness baby, all mine. 
All mine in your holiness baby divine. 
Sing on herald angels in chorus sublime; 
Sing on and adore, for tonight you are mine. 

The wise men are coming to worship their King, 
The shepherds are kneeling their homage to bring. 
Out yonder the star over Judah will keep. 
No harm will befall thee, then sleep baby sleep. 

O let me enfold thee, my baby tonight, 
While legions are singing in joyous delight. 
A new star has risen to hail thee divine, 
For you are a king, but tonight you are mine. 

Away spectered future of sorrow and plight, 
Away to the years that must follow tonight. 
The pangs of Gethsemane, let them be dim, 
The red drops on Calvary, not Lord, for Him! 

O let me enfold thee, my baby tonight, 
While legions are singing in joyous delight. 
A new star has risen to hail thee divine, 
For you are a king, but tonight you are mine. 

All mine in your loveliness baby, all mine.
All mine in your holiness baby divine.
Sing on herald angels in chorus sublime; 
Sing on and adore, for tonight you are mine.

Corbin's Story:: Placement Day

Gregg and I arrived at the hospital early in the afternoon and spent the whole day with M and K.  I will always cherish our time together that day.  We laughed, took walks together, ate lunch from Arby's, and just plain got to know each other better.  

We wanted to make sure M and K had as much time in the hospital with Corbin and never wanted to overstep our boundaries.  I mentioned this to M a few times and her reply was, "I love you guys and love when you are here."  We are so lucky.

Since M had Corbin C-section, they stayed in the hospital longer than usual.  They really wanted M to stay one more night, but she was done with hospitals and convinced her Doctor to let her go home  a night early.  The first thing she told us that day was, "we all get to go home tonight!"

M's caseworker came to have everyone sign papers so Corbin could be released to Gregg and I.  I'll never forget his face when he entered the hospital room and saw how comfortable we all were with each other. I was playing angry birds with K (M's son), while M had gone for a walk and Gregg and K (Corbin's birth dad) had gone to get something out of the car together.  It was a look of, "this is not something I see very often."  If you didn't know our story you would have guessed we were all close family.  Which is exactly how we like it.  He later mentioned how lucky we were to have M and how our situation was very rare for a placement day.  We agreed.  She is so good to us as is her family.  We are so blessed to have them in our lives.  

After everyone else had left and M and K had their "fancy" hospital dinner, the nurses started discharging us.  It was such a different experience from Emme's placement day.  We have all come so far since then.  There is a trust between us now that was only a hope when Emme was born.  We only knew each other for two weeks back then and now we have three years under our belt.  This time around our goodbyes were thankful and tearful, but very calm and relaxed.  Gregg expressed his love to them and we all got emotional.  M told us how much she loved us and was so happy she could add to our family.  She said watching Emme with Corbin made everything worth it.  We hugged, shared another laugh and M and K left while we waited for a nurse to become available to escort us out.  It was beautiful and peaceful. We will forever be grateful to our children's families.  We truly love them so much. 

Corbin waiting to leave the hospital.

Corbin's Story::The Second Day

Corbin's second day of life was filled with lots of visitors.  It was a very memorable day because we were able to have all four siblings together.  It was crazy having us all crammed in a little hospital room, but we loved it.  

Gregg taking a turn feeding Corbin.

Corbin getting snuggles from his big brother.

Love from K's mom.

M was adopted and this is her biological sister.  Her boys look so much like Emme.  We love it.

So fun to watch these three together.  Emme and her sister B are only a year apart.  In true toddlerhood, Emme had just stolen her baby and was about to poke her in the eye.  

M with all of her children.  K and Emme are so much alike.  They were not keen on picture taking.

Papa (M's dad) with Corbin.

I love this picture of Emme saying goodbye to M's mom.

Gregg captured this photo without me knowing. I will forever cherish it!

Corbin's Story::Meeting Corbin

Read Corbin's Story::The Birth here

Later in the day we brought Emme back to meet her brother.  She had been anticipating this event for months and was so excited.  When we got to the hospital room Emme walked right up to M and said "where is my baby?"  To this day she calls him her baby.  Luckily, M thought it was great that Emme took ownership over her brother so quickly.  It was only fitting that Emme be the first to hold Corbin.

Proud big sister.

She is always talking M's ear off.  

My first time holding Corbin.

Gregg's first time holding Corbin.

M's son and Emme and Corbin's brother came to visit at the same time. He's such a sweetie.

Getting changed by M.

Emme and her older brother are trouble together.  I love watching the bond they have.  They are always immediate friends whenever they are together.

Corbin's Story::The Birth

Read The Phone Call here.

Read Corbin's Story::The Start here

The Hospital

We all were prepared for M's c-section that was scheduled for 7 AM so Gregg and I arrived at 6:30.  When we arrived at the hospital we found out poor M was told the wrong time and wasn't scheduled until 9:00.  I felt so bad for M and K because they had arrived at 5:30 AM and had a very long day ahead of them.  The extra hours did give us time to hang out with just M and K though and we were able to grab a little breakfast before all the business of the day started. 

Just the four of us. I love M's hands on her belly. 

The hospital Corbin was born at was different than Emme's.  M wanted us to be the first to hold Corbin, but it just wasn't possible the way this hospital was set up.  Emme's hospital had a recovery room where we waited and once she was cleaned up they brought her out to us, then M joined us shortly after she was finished in the operating room. 

 This hospital didn't have a recovery room so they kept M in the same room the whole time until she was able to go back to her assigned room.  Only one person was allowed with her in surgery and only one person was allowed to have a wrist band other than M.  Meaning only M and one other person would be able to go into the nursery and be alone with the baby.  We all personally thought they should make an exception, but what do you do?  The hospital offered me the other wrist band, but I knew without a doubt K needed it and deserved it.  He supported M throughout her pregnancy and  he was by M's side the entire time in the hospital.  Not to mention he was the father and we wanted him to have as much time with Corbin as possible.  K was such a sweetheart the whole time and only left M if Gregg and I were there to be with her.  He even slept on the horrible chair/bed every night.  

So needless to say Corbin's birth was a lot different than we were expecting, but it was still beautiful and exciting. 

The Birth

Newly born Corbin.  They had just passed him through the window from the operating room.

Getting our first glimpse.

This nurse was awesome.  Here she is telling us the birth weight.  

7lbs

9oz.

Showing us Corbin up close.

The nurse came out to tell us he was perfectly healthy.

K's mom showing us pictures.

K holding Corbin in the nursery.

So sweet!

Bundled Corbin in the nursery waiting for M to get done in surgery.

M's first time holding him.  She was checking to see how much hair he had. 

After we checked on M and made sure she was doing okay, we left so her and K's family could have time alone with Corbin.  We made plans to bring Emme back later that day.  We didn't get to hold Corbin by this point, but we knew we would have an opportunity later and also knew this would be a special time for M and K.

Corbin's Story::The Start

The week before the baby was born I sent a few text messages to M* (Emme and new baby's birthmom).  Usually she is pretty good to respond, but this time I heard nothing back from her.  I was a ball of nerves so I asked Gregg to give me a blessing. In it I was told that this little boy was coming home to us.  It brought me comfort, but what can I say?  I have issues and my fears outweighed my faith at that point.  The baby was due on Tuesday so when Monday came around and I still had not heard anything from M, Gregg and I were freaking out a bit.  We packed up the car and started on the long drive with a pit in our gut.  It did not seem like a good sign. 

About an hour into our drive I got a text from an unknown number saying it was M and that she was communicating through her boyfriend's phone because her's had broken.  She gave us the time of the baby's birth the next day (she was having a c-section) and we made plans to meet up for dinner that night with her and K* (baby's dad and M's boyfriend).  We were relieved to say the least. 

We met M and K at Red Robin for dinner which was awesome for two reasons. It was the first time we met K and we had dinner with M the night before Emme was born so it was only fitting that we met up the night before Corbin's birth as well. 

We were anxious to meet K because we really wanted him to like us for obvious reasons. He was a little standoffish at first, but eventually he warmed up to us. We quickly fell in love with him.  Emme's birth dad was not involved at the time of her birth so it was a completely new experience for us, but one that we welcomed with open arms. 

As usual our conversation with M was great.  We could talk and laugh all day.  

As we were parting ways I told her to please let us know during the hospital if we were ever over stepping our boundaries.  She responded with, "you could never over step your boundaries with me. I love you guys, but I'll let you know because I'm pretty blunt." (I love that about her)

Seriously. How did we get so lucky?  A question I have asked myself multiple times about M. 

This is the face Emme made when I told her we were finally going to get her baby brother.  She was so excited. 

I'm Surviving

Late Friday afternoon we got news that we were able to come home. We were starting to worry we wouldn't hear anything until the next week. I even cancelled an appt on Monday and called Em's school to tell them she wouldn't be there. But alas!  We finally were given freedom. My poor family was ready for us to leave I'm sure!  

Living out of suitcases with a brand new baby isn't the easiest.  Plus, Gregg had to work the last week we were there so that pretty much sucked.  Luckily, my family was awesome and helped a ton.  My sister in law took Emme almost every day, my sister watched Corbin while I took a nap, my mom slept an entire night with Emme because she was scared, and food was provided so I didn't have to cook.  I also have to mention my awesome sister in law that we stayed with the first week who cooked, did laundry, babysat Emme, and came with me to Corbin's circumcism.  Oh and my cute nephews who gave up their rooms for us.  Now you can see why they were sick of us!  Not many new moms get the treatment I did, that's for sure. 

Here it is Wednesday. Corbin is two weeks, Emme and Gregg are back to school, and I'm adjusting to being a mom of two.  I'm surviving and instead of freaking out or complaining I've decided to be thankful for the reasons I'm hanging in there and count my blessings. So, here they are. 

1. Emme has school from 9-12 and rides the bus so she is gone from 8-1. 

2. Emme still takes naps when she gets home from school.  Hallelujah!

3. Corbin is an angel baby and hardly complains when his sister suddenly scratches, grabs him, or bounces a bouncy ball off of his head. 

4. Gregg takes one of the middle of the night feedings.

5. My hair does a bun well.

6. Corbin is an angel baby.  This deserved two. 

7. I'm not working right now

8. Both of my kids are sleeping right now and I'm going to nap when I'm done typing this. 

9. Seriously, Corbin is the easiest newborn so far. Okay, three. 

So there you have it. I will choose not to freak out or make a big deal, as Emme says, about the fact that I'm constantly on Emme patrol around Corbin, or that Emme might go to bed dirty and without her teeth being brushed when Gregg's at school.  I will also not make a big deal that I'm exhausted because that it to be expected. Yes, I will save my fears and whining for another day.  

Please stay tuned for a recount of our experiences with Corbin's adoption. It was an amazing week and one I want to write down and remember forever even if it's only for me.