Friday, November 22, 2013

The Wheels On The Bus Go....

Stay in your seat, stop hitting other kids, keep your shoes on.

I've mentioned before that Emme rides a bus to school.  When she first started at her therapy school, the bus gave me super anxiety.  I know Emme too well and knew she would get bored on the 45 min ride.  Bored means taking things into her own hands. 

Her BT assured me that they have been in business for 50 years and know what they are doing.  I was still very nervous, but long story short, once Corbin came around I knew it wouldn't be easy to go back and forth every day.

She loves her bus driver Joo wee (Julie) and looks forward to seeing her every day. 

As predicted, Emme got bored. She would do harmless things like taking her shoes and socks off and playing with the belt buckle next to her.   When I would pick her up she would proudly show me the work she had done. 

I would ask her if she was nice to her friends on the bus and she would usually tell me she hit them.  At least she's honest, right?  Although Emme admitted she was being mean to the other kids, Joo Wee never notified me of anything. She goes to school with kids just like her so I'm sure that type of behavior is common.  

So needless to say, when I got Emme off the bus last Thursday I could see in Joo Wee's eyes something was not good. 

"We have a situation."

"Uh, Oh."

"Emme got out of her seat belt.  I saw her standing on the seat at our last stop.  You need to help me reinforce that she needs to stay buckled."

I think in my head "if I could reinforce things like that she wouldn't be at this school."

I turn and say to Joo Wee, "I'm so sorry.  We usually zip tie her straps in our car."

She cuts me off, "We can't do that, it's unsafe.  If she doesn't stay in her seat she can't ride the bus anymore."

Emme and I proceed to get off the bus.  Me with my head hanging low and Emme clueless she is in trouble but very proud of her accomplishments.  

Emme ran into the backyard to jump on the trampoline (our daily routine) and I went inside a sobbed while I watched her out of the window.  It was happening.  Adults are starting to get frustrated with my child.  Not only does Emme not listen to me, she doesn't listen to anyone.  I had flashes of the future where teachers misunderstand Emme and she is in constant trouble.  It made my heart hurt for her. 

It didn't bother me so much that Emme got out of her seat belt, which is a 5 point harness by the way.  I was actually surprised it hadn't happened sooner. What bothered me was the exasperation in Joo Wee's voice.  I could tell she had done everything in her power to get Emme back in her seat.  She was at her wits end. I don't blame her.  I had the same feeling the day Emme got out of her seat belt on the freeway and opened the car door. Talk about panic. 

What I should have said to Joo Wee was; my child doesn't listen to me.  I have no control.  I'm a bad mom.  I zip tie my child's car seat straps.  It's apparently unsafe.  Maybe I'm just prepping her to be the next Criss Angel because let's be honest, she'll eventually figure how to get out of those too.  

We have a long road ahead of us.  One where Emme and I will make mistakes, one where adults and teachers will get frustrated with her, one where I will be judged harshly as a mom.  

Today though, today I don't care. I know she was meant to be mine.  Her mother chose me, I chose Emme, and most importantly Heavenly Father chose us to be a family.  I will fight for her no matter the cost.  No matter the tears.  No matter the judgment.  No matter the driving back and forth to school.

She was meant to be mine.

No comments:

Post a Comment