Wednesday, February 26, 2014

A Mother Of Two

From January 2013-February 2013 Emme had already had three evaluations and another one set up for May.  We jumped right into Occupational Therapy through early intervention and had appointments every other week.  Her sensory disorder was overwhelming to learn about at first, but it was very eye opening.  Her behavior was out of control, but until her eval in May with a Behavioral Therapist I was at a loss on how to best help her.  We were struggling, but she still napped for three hours a day and Gregg wasn't in school yet so I felt like we were surviving.

Towards the end of February Gregg learned he was excepted into a great MBA program and would start the beginning of May.  It was an answer to our prayers. We knew if Gregg were to get in a career that would both benefit him and our family he needed to first further his education.

Towards the end of March we received the amazing news that another child would be joining our family. A true miracle and another testament that everything happens in God's timing and not ours.

I was thrilled to be getting another baby.  Emme's biological sibling no less.  There was one big problem though.  I felt I was failing miserably as Emme's mother.  Once Gregg started school and I was home alone most of the time reality really set in.  There were more days than I can count where I broke down and cried wondering how I would ever be able to be a mother of two children.

I often demanded in my prayers that this coming baby better be the easiest baby in the world.  I had no energy left.  I prayed for more strength and patience every day, but the truth is, Emme was still Emme and I was still exhausted.  There was no huge weight lifted and I didn't receive an extra boost in patience all of the sudden.  The thing is, He knew.  I honestly believe He knew I wasn't bluffing.  I couldn't be a mother of two without help.

After, Emme had been going to a Behavioral Therapist for a couple months she highly recommended that Emme attend their therapy school.  We agreed and also felt strongly that she attend their school, but it was very expensive.  We qualified for a small grant, but even then it was out of our budget.  We still knew she needed to go, so we went forward in faith that the money would come from somewhere.  Although, it was more likely that we won the lottery than it was that we would come up with the extra cash.

The time came when I got a phone call from the financial lady at her school.  She said I needed to come in that day to discuss our fee.  I went in dragging my feet knowing we really didn't have the money.  She went over our last years taxes and had me sign a few things.  Then at the bottom of the page she wrote our monthly total and handed me the paper.  I saw a huge $0.  I looked at her like, "this can't be right.  We must be a lot poorer than I thought."  She finally explained that the school had gotten a huge grant from the government and in order to use it all, all of their kids got to attend school for free until next July.  Emme literally started school the week it went into effect so we never had to pay a dime.

So not only was Emme able to attend a therapy school for free and learn very important skills, but I was going to have a big chunk of my mornings free.  Until Corbin was born, of course.  Like I said before, Heavenly Father knew I couldn't do it without help so He paved the way for outside help.

to be continued...

Thursday, February 13, 2014

A Trio of Good Days

If you don't have anything nice to say.....

I've been a little absent lately.  There have been some real lows when it comes to Emme's behavior and my attitude.  I just couldn't bring myself to share them.  I was telling her therapist yesterday, that there are days we just hold on and try to survive.  There is no reasoning on those days just a lot of damage control and tears.  On a particular hard day when Gregg had school, I had finally had enough and just started crying.   Poor sensitive Corbin starting crying in my lap and Emme who had been laughing in my face all day despite my fury, finally realized mom had lost it and started crying too.  I'm sure we were a nice sight.  Emme excitedly shared our cry fest experience with her therapist in our next session. I can only imagine what she thought. 

Despite having some really crummy days I feel it important to write that the last three days have been somewhat pleasant.  Emme has slept through the night AND napped all three days!  That's pretty awesome ya'll!  Sleep=a much easier Emme.  I met with her pyschiatrist a little while ago and we decided to make a few little changes.  For example, I now pick her up from school every day so she won't fall asleep on the bus.  Emme has now graduated to sitting in the seat closest to the driver which is the last resort before bus time goes bye bye.  I'm sure her bus driver is relieved to be Emme free for part of the day.  It's a pain to cut Corbin's nap short every day and drive 30 minutes round trip, but so worth it to have Emme nap at home.

Other Positive Emme Notes: 

No poo smeared mirrors. In fact she has been really good about the whole potty thing lately.  She's even been wearing two piece jammies which hasn't happened in over a year due to her poo obsession.  

She asked me to "please get her more milk" and brought me her sippy cup.  A more normal occurrence would be her throwing her empty cup while screaming hysterically. 

On three different occasions she expressed her desire to hit me and Corbin.  I congratulated her for using her words instead of immediately lashing out.  She answered with "yeah mom!  I didn't kick you!"  Good job my little bug. 

After one of her naps she came and got me and asked if I would lay by her because it was still sleep time.  After following her in her room she handed me her favorite blanket and her pillow pet then laid back down in her bed.  I can assure you that has never happened.   

She was focused enough after school to tell me about her day.  Sure it included throwing all the toys at her teacher, but this was big for me. Usually she is either too tired to function or honestly cannot keep a thought long enough to answer let alone understand or care what I'm asking in the first place.

While having a play date with a friend at Discovery Gateway she only hit one kid the entire two hours and that was only when him and his brothers were in her space big time and the "victim" stole her toy.  The mom was a major beast about it, but we'll talk more on that later.  Her therapist and I deemed it a huge success.

Here's hoping for FOUR pleasant days.  Wish me luck.


Sunday, February 2, 2014

Super Bowl Pitty Party of One

You should all probably know that I suffer from Endometriosis.  It's possibly the biggest pain in my life. Literally.  I haven't been whining about it as of late because since my last laparoscopy in July, (read about it here and here) my suffering has been down to a minimum.  It helps that I'm still on a POPS birth control which is suppose to stop my periods.  Well, it doesn't, but it has kept my cycles from exploding out of control.  The problem is...Endo grows back and well....over the last few months I've slowly felt myself falling back in the dark vortex that is abdomen pain.  

Today I was really excited about the Super Bowl.  Not because I care about the game, but because I like food.  Especially Super Bowl food.  We were even going to have homemade pizza by the best pizza maker ever.  
My abdomen decided to turn on me like it has so many times before.  I went from "yay, pizza!" to "somebody shoot me" in no time at all.  I shall not forget the back pain and numbness running down my legs.  It's all so very grand.  I've already exceeded the safe amount of Ibuprofen one should take and it's as if my pain laughed in it's face.  I have the tough stuff, but in the last year or so it's made me super itchy and actually keeps me awake instead of asleep.  Getting rid of the pain has been worth it at times, but I don't like it.  Why did I decide against the hysterectomy again? ARG!

So here I sit...alone with my angry thoughts, watching the Super Bowl and tearing up every time a soldier comes on the screen. So many soldiers tonight.  I hope it's over before Downton Abbey because let's be honest, English drama trumps football any day in my eyes.  I really hope Gregg brings home pizza or my face will easily resemble that beautiful uterus above.  By now he knows not to mess with Hangry (Hungry Angry) Endo Lacey so I'm guessing he will.