Sunday, October 27, 2013

Mommy-Daughter Relationship

At my first appointment with Emme's BT (behavioral therapist), she asked how my relationship with Emme was.

It sounds funny, but I've never really thought of Emme and I having a relationship until further in life.  One where we look back and laugh at our struggles during her toddler years and I tease her about her children giving her payback.

It brought tears to my eyes because our relationship at this point is not where I would like it to be.  Back in the day when I thought about being a mom I pictured many things about what it would be like. Of course there was the good things hugs, kisses, reading books, singing songs, but I also knew there would be sicknesses, teaching to share, tantrums, and attitudes.  Although you can never truly understand parenthood until you've done it for yourself, I felt like my expectations were realistic.  I knew with the good there would be bad. 

Have you ever heard the analogy where you prepare for a trip to France only to end up in Holland?  Imagine the prep you do to go to France.  You reads books, learn phrases in French, picture yourself on the Eiffel Tower.  You're nervous about riding the metro and pick pocketers, but you've prepared well and your excitement out weighs any nervousness. Now imagine your trip finally comes. You board your flight and take a nice long rest only when you wake up you're in a completely different country than you were prepared for. It's beautiful and unique, but the language is different and all the travel books you packed are completely useless.  Now if you're going to survive and actually enjoy this vacation you're going to have to pick up all new material and change your whole way of thinking.  Now, it's not that Holland isn't amazing, it's just a whole lot different than France. 

I compare this to parenting Emme.  Like I've said before, I've read books on parenting and had long talks with Gregg about the kind of parents we wanted to be, but nothing prepared me for parenting a child like Emme. Like Holland, she is beautiful and unique, but she is a lot different than I ever could have imagined. I know in a way our children always surprise us in one way or another, but having a child with ADHD and a sensory disorder has completely thrown me for a loop.  I know she could have way worse things, but it doesn't mean it's easy. 

Going through infertility was rough. I had some real bad days of heartache and suffering. I thought for sure my hardest trial would be over when I healed from that pain.  Now I see that it only helped prepare me for the road ahead.  Emme is wonderful in so many ways and I love her and would never trade her for anything, but I worry about her future choices constantly.  She has so many abilities that are far greater than what I can accomplish in this life and I pray that we can help her see that.  

I hope one day she looks at us and sees how hard we fought for her.  How much we want her to keep her outgoing personality and funny character, but how we also want her to understand danger and consequences.  I hope she sees how much we love her and always will. 

I hope I can think of our relationship in a better way than I did the day I was asked that question.  We are getting there.  One hour at a time. 

I love this video that was shared on my Facebook. Maybe as moms, we're just a little too rough on ourselves and our sweet little children can see past our flaws. 


  1. The first time a specialist asked me to describe the best things about my son (not medically---but personality wise), I cried too. It's easy to get wrapped up in the daily difficulties, and sometimes hard to step back and look at the whole child, and place yourself objectively in the picture.

    I like the way you write. It's real.

  2. I love this post and this video!! I needed to watch it today!!