I have what you could call a defiant child. Yes, Em has been diagnosed with ADHD, but I believe everyone can benefit from tips I am learning to understand her more and become a better parent. (As slow as it may seem)
There are good days and bad days with my patience. Em pretty much stays the same. But really what makes the difference of a determined successful day is how I react to her. Some days she is just off for some reason, but then again so am I. I have to remember she is allowed those days and if I get through them nearly surviving at least I got through them.
Lately, I've been thinking Ems is more intelligent than she is defiant. Recently, my sister in law was looking at a picture of Ems at 3 months old. She said " remember how calm and easy going Ems used to be? I think she was just sitting back and learning all of our weaknesses. She was probably thinking, just you wait until I can walk and talk."
It made me laugh out loud. Ems is the master of knowing how to read people, then using their weaknesses as weapon. She knows exactly what will do the most damage to her same aged cousins, and most of them are standing on the sideline wondering what just happened...or screaming of course. I have to hand it to my girl. She is one smart cookie.
So how do I parent this two almost three year old that is smarter than me? Mostly I have no idea. That is why I have turned to outside resources. I read the most amazing book before I was even a parent. It's called Parent Fix.
You need it I promise!! You can order it through Amazon. It will completely change your life and parenting. Most importantly your kids. I am reading through it a second time, because I can actually apply it now that Ems is old enough. I will be quoting this book a lot.
I have also read Love and Logic and while I do agree and use a lot of their techniques I have cut out some of them because they weren't fitting with how Em ticks. More on that in another post.
We also have family therapy with a behavioral therapist once a month. Which is really mine and Gregg's therapy. Ems is who she is. We are the ones that needs to accept that. Our BT is amazing and my idol right now. She listens to me and comforts my fears. She has never made me feel like a bad mom. If anything she has helped me see I'm a better mom than I think. I'm convinced we all need a BT or just someone to listen.
Before I was a mom I was convinced I would be the most patient, fun, and understanding mom around. Yeah I've pretty much failed there. One thing I can pat myself on the back about is the fact that I know I will never give up. If I have a day that is an epic fail as a mom, I will wake up with a desire to do better. I will search answers, pray, and trust my gut feeling. I will ask for help from my Heavenly Father, other parents, and professionals. Ems is my daughter for a reason. I AM the best parent for her and I need to figure out how to BE the best parent for her. I will never be a perfect parent, but I can try to give her my optimum performance.
I hope you will join me on this journey and share things that have helped you a long the way. I will be doing a group of posts on what we're working on at the moment in hopes to be a journal of how far we've come and to help myself and others a long the way.