Friday, March 28, 2014

I Use Hashtags

When adoption became our destiny in this life, I immediately felt the need to be perfect.  I mean, how else would we EVER get chosen if we didn't prove that we traveled, loved each other more than air, and promised to be the best parents that ever graced the planet?

After becoming a mother that persona stayed right along with me.  I followed every book and every doctor very strictly.  I gushed on our blog about our happily every after.  In all honesty I was grateful and in love with my life.  I remember Gregg and I fighting over who got to get Emme out of bed.  I loved when Emme would lay her head on Gregg's shoulder and my heart would melt and my teeth would grind from getting the squeezies.  I valued myself as a mother.

It has almost been a year since Emme was diagnosed and we became a special needs family.  I stared into space all day that day wondering what it would mean.  How would people take the news?  How would Emme be treated?  How am I going to fix this?

My perfect family dream was shattered.  Even then I had no idea the obstacles ahead.  I thought with continued therapy everything would eventually work itself out and Emme would become the first female president.  I slowly learned how wrong I was.

Soon, things like holding still for two minutes and coloring without eating the whole crayon became a celebratory event.

Somewhere along the lines a cold bitterness set in.  I was always worried about being judged and I compared myself to other moms like crazy.

Then one day (with the help of Emme's therapist) I stopped caring so much.  That's when I started this blog.  A new fresh outlook on my life.  One that was full of truth and not so much fluff.  A blog that didn't sugar coat.  I'll admit, I did worry about what my family, friends, and Emme's birth family would think.  So far most have been supportive and have sent sweet messages after a stressed out post.  Emme's birth family has been so understanding.  That has meant the world to me.  They know we love Emme and are doing our best.

Maybe it's letting go of unrealistic ideas or maybe I'm just getting older or maybe I'm just too dang tired, but I love my new uncaring attitude.

People aren't going to like where I live, the pictures I post on Instagram, my crappy writing skills, my opinions of Doterra Oils, or how I parent.  I mean, heaven forbid, I use HASHTAGS!!!  There will always be trolls (thanks Megan for that term) and they will be ready and waiting to cut you down.

I love that I have met so many great people experiencing similar life challenges because I decided to open up.  I can laugh with them, cry with them, and share fears with them that no one else understands.  They have kept me sane.

My cute cousin's daughter recently received a prestigious award and was on the news.  When giving advice to other students she said "don't be afraid to be dorky."  I love that.  We can use that advice no matter what age we are. Don't let the fear of looking dumb keep you from sharing your story.  You never know who you will help or the friends you will meet while looking like an idiot.


  1. Did someone criticize you for using hashtags??

    I think it's awesome that you are so real on your blog. I think you really nailed it when you said that adoptive moms sometimes feel like we have to be even more perfect than other moms--after all, our children's birthparents expected us to be perfect, right? Not only that, I think we can sometimes feel that God expected us to be perfect when He gave us stewardship over these little souls through the miracle of adoption. But birthparents don't expect us to be perfect (and if they do, they are going to have to let go of that dream eventually), and God certainly doesn't expect us to be perfect. As I know I mentioned in a previous comment on your blog, if we were perfect, we wouldn't need Him.

    Can't wait to see you on the big screen tomorrow night!!

  2. P.S. Your "crappy" writing skills?? Whatever, girl--you are a great writer!

    P.P.S. I once had a "troll" leave an anonymous comment on my blog saying that Noah was colicky because I "stole him from his real mother." That was only the beginning of the offensive comment, but to say it stung during a time in my life when I was already sad and insecure is an understatement. Seriously, how are some people so mean? And do they have nothing better to do than leave hurtful comments on social media??

    1. Rachel, you are the sweetest. I always love your comments. I can't believe someone left such a nasty comment on your blog. That's terrible!! What a troll!!

  3. I love this. You are refreshingly real. And beautiful, and strong, and funny.