Monday, August 4, 2014

Down to Business

I haven't been completely honest the last few months.

My heart yearns to write and share my thoughts on the whole truth and nothing but the truth about raising a child with severe ADHD.

Then there is this part of me that only worries about what others will think of me as a mom and as a person in general.  Will I seem ungrateful for the miracle that Emme is to our family?  Will I be way too negative about her and allow others to talk negatively about her as well?  Do my readers understand what ADHD really means and how disabling it can be?  How many terrible comments will I receive because we have chosen medication as a way to help Emme?

Point being, I have filtered our life as to create a facade of what our day to day really looks and feels like.  The reality is times are hard.  I'm sure someone could handle my situation a millions times better than me, but this is what I need to go through in order to grow and learn and become the person I'm suppose to be.

With that said, I realize there are tougher things in life than a child with ADHD and a husband who I only see on Sundays.  I gave a talk in church months back and talked about how we had learned that parenting would be a lot different for us than most.  After sacrament I had a lady ask what was wrong with Amy?  Caught off guard a little I stuttered out that Emme had ADHD.  She let out a big sigh, admitted she hadn't been listening very closely and that things could be a lot worse for us.  She thought "Amy" had cancer or something life changing like that.  My temper getting the best of me I spit back, " I realize that, but it's still hard for us!"  Then I walked away.

Although she went about it in a tactless way, I get it.  There are bigger stresses.  My child is healthy and my husband is just at school.  I get to sleep next to him every night.  There are many blessings in our family and I try to count each one. Trust me, I get it.

Speaking of blessings, I am thankful that we even have children.  What I've come to realize is that there are many who don't understand that my children were always meant to come to Gregg and me.  It was all predetermined.  I believe it with all of my heart.  Adoption is amazing.  I will never be more grateful than I am for my children and the change adoption put in me.  They are mine just like any other mother who bore her babies.  We just had to search a little harder for each other.   Thank the heavens for their birth mother and birth families.  They are our angels here on earth.  Let it be known that we do not target them for any imperfections in our children.  Are my children's genes different from ours?  Of course! Does that matter?  No!  Gregg and I have good and bad genes just like the rest of the world and they could have been passed on to our biological offspring.  Plus, I love that Emme has platinum blond hair, and both of my kids have striking blue eyes. They didn't get it from me, and that's okay.

A fault a lot of adoptive couples make, I know we did, while waiting for their miracle and in the early years is to put themselves as parents and their future children on a pedestal.  You may have to read that one twice.  It's sets you up to fail people.  Parenting is hard no matter what.  Just like any child from any beginning they can drive you nuts.  You are a regular parent just like every one else.  At least I am.  I didn't get any super human ability because we waited five years.  It doesn't make you a failure and it doesn't make you ungrateful.  Admitting Emme has some serious issues and that I'm not the awesome parent I imagined I'd be, does not make me ungrateful to adoption or her birthmom.  It makes me a parent.

As of late there have been some adults and children that have voiced their opinions about Emme.  It made me wonder if I was allowing that by being too honest about her.  It hurt my feelings and I couldn't sleep after one of the incidences.  We all know how I need my sleep.  I worried I was sharing too much of the ugly truth and that made it so others thought they could put Emme down or voice what they thought she would end up like.  I worried if I blogged too much about our experiences that Emme would be judged without someone really even knowing her.  Emme has so many awesome qualities and abilities. Gregg and I are her only true advocates and I want to make things better not worse.  My answer was this ::  I must also blog about her awesomeness so it can be known that she is really great sometimes.  ADHD can be a blessing in some ways and I need to discuss that as well.

Also, know that....

ADHD is real.  It is more than being hyper.  I do not medicate my child because she is just busy or because it makes my life easier.  It's a sensitive subject, but until you have had a child with a severe neurological disorder, you do not know what you're talking about.  Selling oils, knowing someone with ADHD, and hearing about a study does not make you an expert on the subject.  Until you are a specialized doctor or have lived day in and day out with a child like Emme, you don't know.  You don't.  I myself continue to learn.  Trust me there will be a whole post on this.

I realize there is a lot going on in this post, but now that this is all out there, I can continue on with the honest truth.  No more fluff.  If you want that you can follow my Instagram.  ;)  This blog is my outlet and a way to connect with others going through the same thing.  I need to voice my fears, worries, and thanks because it's healthier than keeping it all in and losing it one day.  I'd rather you not see me on the news as the crazy lady that ran away from life.  But if that happens to you or me I promise not to judge.


  1. Selling oils doesn't make you a Doctor..what?! Haha! I laughed out loud at that one :)

  2. Love this!! I couldn't agree more!!

  3. A.MEN! I am in no way in the same situation as you, but I am soo tired of hearing "Why don't you do this..." or "Why don't you try taking that....". I've stopped talking about what's going on in my life because of it. Just like you said, just because you know this and/or that.....doesn't make you an expert! Until you've been in my shoes, you have NO idea what you're talking about. Kudos to you for keeping it real! You're an inspiration to me and I love reading your blog :)

  4. I love your honesty and I love have made it clear how awesome and spunky she is. Keep up the good work, Mama. I'm sorry some days are so tough.

  5. I feel a little bad reading this... about my attitude toward my daughter. I wish so many times when she is playing with Emme, that our children were switched. That's my honest truth. I wish sometimes I had Emme instead. I want to not think that anymore. I need to not think that anymore. It is so hard for me to remember that they are little people, learning and messing up just like me. I read this post and thought, I want to do better, think better, but most of all, be more honest. Your honesty keeps me from running away because I know there are other mothers who don't judge me and who have sleepless nights over what happened with a child during the day or what someone said about them. Thank you. Thank you so much for reminding me to see my own child's awesomeness, to share it with others, and to feel safe sharing the crap days (which I generally try to hide) with others too.

  6. This is the best thing I've read all day. You Rock. So glad we found each other! You're a mom who inspires me.

  7. I wish I could find you and give you a hug, even though I don't know you. As a mother to two children with ADHD (one with severe co-morbid anxiety and behavior disorder), two others too young to be diagnosed yet (but most likely also having ADHD), and wife to a husband with ADHD, I have shared some of these very same thoughts and feelings as you have expressed. Thank you for having the courage to share, the good AND the bad - it helps to know there are others out there who are going through similar struggles and that we are not alone, and especially to know that others know, TRULY know, and understand what we're experiencing.